And a little bit...not.

Now that all the draw crap is sorted out, I've been left feeling kind of deflated. I mean, I know that I can't be friends with these girls anymore, and, to be honest, we're all getting really good at ignoring each other, but I still feel like I've wasted too much time and effort on them to just watch it all disappear. I'm not mad anymore, I'm just wistful. They weren't always awesome, but they were what I had, and now that I'm starting all over again, I feel like I've lost time. People who made better friend choices, or maintained their friends better, or SOMETHING, have a head start on me. Sure, I have friends, good friends, even, but I still kind of feel like an interloper in their world. They've been nothing but nice, but now I'm paranoid. I find myself second guessing every single phrase, and I just wish this whole awkward phase were OVER with. I want to hit rewind and choose the right friends this time. I want to scream at my fall quarter self to just OPEN my freaking EYES and pick the people I actually like and the ones who actually like me instead of the slightly cooler but distinctly less nice alternative I actually went with. Who cares if it's an ever so slightly less cool social strata?! Hey, this way I'm the cool one. Plus, they're actually nice to me. And they, y'know, want me around. As Little Red Riding Hood would say in Into The Woods,

And I know things now, Many valuable things, That I hadn't known before: Do not put your faith In a cape and a hood, They will not protect you The way that they should. And take extra care with strangers, Even flowers have their dangers. And though scary is exciting, Nice is different than good. Now I know: Don't be scared. Granny is right, Just be prepared. Isn't it nice to know a lot! And a little bit not...